Why I hate people

 In today's episode of insanity, we are going to examine a deep but important recess of our subconscious. I have always hated people, though never with a vengeance, just with a dull resignation. People who hate people with a passion usually have a concrete cause and source. They have been rejected by some specific representatives of the people. I have been rejected too, so much so that it seems to have been my sole purpose of existence. Mostly by grad schools and companies, sometimes by people, but I accept it philosophically and it is not the main cause of my grief.

Yesterday I got a 'We are sorry to inform you' from Max Planck. Going there would have been fun, but alas, they do not want me there. Also I forgot to fill out the application after creating an account and they are polite enough to regret this lapse of good manners on my part.

Not that it did not hurt for a moment. It did.

Back to the main point.

There are a few combinations that spark my hatred like nothing else. Greed combined with idiocy. Power combined with insensitivity. Lack of sophistication, although God knows I had been trying to get over it for two years. Injustice, particularly if it is directed towards someone else and not me. People have been unkind and unjust to me, and it does not rankle me personally. The world is stupid and lusting after short gains all the time, and if they try to trample me in the process it makes sense from an evolutionary point of view.

However, when people are unkind and selfish and unjust to others, often people who are weaker, it ignites my passion like nothing else. Currently I am living with a very very closed mind, because survival trumps everything else, but I strongly hate bearing a witness to something that is going on. It is cruel, greedy and selfish to the extreme, and it operates under the guise of principles and laws. I hate bigotry, I hate greed and I hate small mindedness. I hate provincialism and I hate lack of kindness towards humanity, so much so that I end up hating everyone and everything and am left with nothing but the void for company.

And it stares back.

Ah well, I look forward to solving inverse problems in the future and being content with life for a change. It is what it is, I am what I am, and this is fertile ground for a roaring comedy, instead of the tragedy I imagine myself to be in. See, I want to think of myself as the prima donna in some heart breaking tragedy, but I'm simply not beautiful and charming enough. 

Also, I kind of look forward to singing jinne mera dil lutya, darya kinaray, but who knows. Also look forward is a phrase that triggers me but with my verbal memory, there are infinitely many of these, and it can't be helped.

I don't know what it is with sugar and mental balance. It is clearly complex, and I can't figure it out for the life of me.