So recently I have figured out that all my problems stem from me being me and if I could stop being myself, they would all pause for the said duration.
Yesterday I was sure that I was going to get rebuked on something that recently happened but no one said a word and it made me realize that my grip on reality is really really tenuous. So I decided to take it further.
Side but important note, I am addicted to checking gradcafe everyday. 5 of my letters are pending, and one at a nice place.
I think I am going to put Karpathy's advice into practise.
Back to main track.
I dreamed up a character, a princess called zartashiya, who got sick of the squabbles of her ministers and the ever-going crises in public life and decided to leave her life of power and strife for one of peace and knowledge. She handed over the task of ruling to her younger brother, secretly left the palace and made her way to a farm in a valley. She dwells there in peace now, pursues gardening in the morning and her studies in the evening. She is a kindly soul, though with her own quirks, and she does not talk a lot to people. However, she is kind to all who have dealings with her, and rather sparse in discourse. She laughs often and smiles seldom, and derives her joy from the earth and from the wisdom of words, though the former is eternal and ageless and does not speak and the former come from people who are dead, have been dead for centuries and eons, but their ideas and thoughts, conveyed through the trusted medium of paper, make their way to her heart in a way that words from boyses never do. Discriminating and labelling people is often done for the ease and convenience of a naive labeller, and the fact of them and her being separated by time is of no great consequence to her. She is content with herself, time, and the world, and not a syllable of complaint ever rises to her lips. If you ever have the fortune to be granted audience before her, you will find her wise and understanding, and she will listen to you more with her gleaming eyes then anything else, and her words will comfort and soothe you if nothing else.
Being a scholar of human nature, we have a few questions to ask. What exactly is it that makes her happy, that makes her content? Is it because she has been seen and dealt with ambition, and power? Is it because she has left everything of her volition, and chosen her path for herself? Does this show an absolutely essential but corrupt and corrupting side of ambition, or is it just because her nature is far more suited to the farm than to the palace? Do we believe in a human nature that is organically more suited to some things than other?
I have had the chance to listen to a few things about emotions, how Hume believed that an emotion is an idea that is attached to an effect, and Spinoza believed the opposite, that idea is supreme. I think that an emotion is a learned response which you train yourself to produce, as evidenced by the fact that emotions are never eternal and always fade over time. There are multiple layers of thoughts behind every emotion, because every emotion is tied to multiple things, and thus maybe resides in multiple areas of the brain, but they can always be tackled one by one.
I have been thinking about formulating a questionnaire for determining how mentally stable one is at any point in time. It will be a rough metric, but better than none. I wish they made equipment for measuring mental balance.
جاتے جاتے اس کا وہ مڑ کر دوبارہ دیکھنا
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