The theme of this year has been rejections from the amreeki continent, and it is going to continue. There is nothing to be alarmed or amazed about this, because trends continue. The USD-PKR rate does make me reflect on my life choices though, because I just spent an year's worth of dining-out fun on my applications, which feel less like applications and more like the cries of a lonely heart and soul at this point.
Life is somewhat stable, and there are a few things to look forward to, such as eating more stuff. At the culmination of this great but worthless project, I treated myself to some cheeni khana, which costed a fraction of a fraction of what my obsession did.
At this point, I like to think that I have become experienced and thus knowledgeable about the whole application process, but in reality the only thing in which I'm experienced is getting rejected from all sorts of entities. Literally all sorts. At this point I could write a book about their diverse features and facets, but some other day.
So my guess is that this time I'm going to get 2 accepts max, 1 on average. Not that it would be a bad state of affairs. Bad states of affairs depend entirely on the definition of bad and I've eliminated them from my life.
I do think I have insights into the application process, but like all my other thoughts, this one has no basis in reality either. The objective truth is, objective opinions are difficult to form, and the only feedback you can get on your application is in the form of a binary decision, and extrapolation from that is very hard to do.
This time I would like to think that I have an improved profile, but I can't say for sure. As is my fate, whatever I want is already highly coveted even if it be something ultra dumb, so there is the competing pool to consider. Honestly, at this point, I think I'm labouring under some Peter Pan syndrome, but what is the point of sticking to practical life? None whatsoever.
Races and competition are not my things, and I am never going to beat myself up over random crap. Whatever comes or goes is so pointless anyways and it is again very hard to keep track of all the comings and goings, so I'm giving up.
I have a decent shot at a place darya kinaray and I should try to secure it, besides dreaming up of a life there. Dreams come easily to me, and they are infinitely more interesting and less cruel than the real world with real people. A woman can but dream.
I'm a firm believer in the tenet that if you see problems everywhere, it is you who is the problem. Ultimately there isn't even a problem; it is just the lack of compatibility among things. Recently I started thinking about forgiveness and it seems a very strange concept to me. What does it mean for a person to have forgiven another? I think it is just a way for the sufferer of a perceived injustice to feel good about themselves. The one who has inflicted the said injustice has already had their fun, and they are probably enjoying the fruits of their success at the current moment. It makes no difference to them what another person thinks. The other person is just trying to grasp at straws, and the concept of forgiveness is one such straw that society has supplied them with.
I need to work on my communication skills. They are beyond pathetic, but hopefully not beyond redemption.
I've always had extremely cynical ideas about everything, and life has just reinforced them. At least I can take solace in the fact that I might be slow and dumb at 30, but I was wise and sharp at 16.
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