Of dark, cold things

 Life is particularly cold and dark these days, but there are a few points to consider:

1. It has been quite cold and dark in the past. Case in point: December 2017, particularly towards the end. Same goes for Feb 2018. And July 2014. There must have been other such points in the more distant past, but age has muddled my memory. Oh yes, July-Aug 2013.

2. The future holds the possibility of even darker, colder points for sure. I must not let the possibility of their existence ruffle my feathers and disturb my sleep at night, but I must acknowledge the chance that things can be worse. Since this is an infinite domain and I am too familiar and too agile at navigating it, let us close this point and move on.

3. The uncomfortable truth is that I have an affinity for cold, dark things, and it is useless to deny this. They gravitate towards me, and I towards them. A lot of psychology can be invoked at this point, for which I'm not qualified enough.

4. It sounds a bit gollum-ish but for the life of me, I haven't found a reason against dark, cold things. Sure, everyone recoils instinctively from them, just like they instinctively recoil from me, and in the latter case it just shows that they have common sense, an instinct for self-preservation and a heapload of duaas from their mother. Still, no rational reason. Maybe because the dark cold isn't the ideal situation for life to thrive, but who needs life, and who needs thriving? Anyways these are broad generalizations and some kinds of life thrive under the mountains. In places deep, where dark things sleep. We all have to move past our biases when we grow up, at times.

5. Dark, cold things have a heart too, and it functions. Heart of darkness, heart of the mountain. People normally have trouble understanding this. This instinctive horror, the recoiling, the repulsion that they send out in very strong pulses- they impact them too. However, since it is cold and dark, the effect often isn't visible, and thus non-existent by the world's definition.

At this point, I have absolutely no sentiments of any kind to dole out. The only evidence (empirical, of course) is this: one never stays at the same point on a curve. This is true, and will always be true. I wish I could say this in German, because everything sounds profound in German, but I can't so angraizi will have to suffice.

The past is oddly comforting: you can always look back at horrible times, and get a feeling of warmth, because you powered through that point. Sure, you have a horribly wired brain, that keeps thoughts around forever, and makes very strange associations, and it primarily makes for averagely beautiful couplets that the public can swoon over, but it never lets the ghosts of days past escape. Sure, you have a very weird sense of time and live more in the past and the future than everything else, but documented evidence of the past that feels so different between now and then counts for something.

People and things come and go, and they are free to carry out their wishes. That is the way of life, and someone who can't handle that hasn't really grown up. It is what it is happens to be a very powerful argument for soothing one down and widening one's perspective. What you feel is a very personal, very subjective matrix through which you view a distorted picture of reality and the whole enterprise is rubbish.

We must be stoic, ourselves, and go back to the shadow which we came from. The outsides, the margins of life; they suit me, and I suit them. I try to fit in, again and again, and it just leads to massive heartbreak. Better be rational about it, from now on.