Wednesday, May 30, 2012

My reverse evolution

So I seem to be undergoing some sort of reverse evolution, going towards the least fit specie.
The road to the all time misfit is not exactly smooth, but it is one you undertake without having a say in the matter.
The evidence is too much and I cannot possibly document it all. But there is a recent, grim Friday I remember, because it was the day I broke my pen.
Not literally, of course. Who wants to waste a good new shiny blue pen? I can always use it for sketching silly but elaborate patterns on unsuspecting victims' hands\feet\clothes and if I am lucky enough, faces. So I just tucked my pen away, for the poor thing had done a lot of hard work (writing a lot of pages in legible writing which can be read by ordinary beings is no ordinary feat for me.)
For this intensive task, I even put an important assignment aside. As a consequence, I later had to explain to the instructor that yes, my assignment was late, and yes, he could deduct marks for it.
The things I  do for books.
Despite the very hard work, my story failed to fetch a single pamphlet, let alone a book. It probably stood at the nth place in the competition, where n is the number of entries submitted, if I was lucky.
If I was unlucky, or if fate was feeling particularly fair towards me, as in "Let us show this girl some true reality, for she talks way too big' then it probably stood some place in the range of exp^n.
The real world is so real, I'd rather live somewhere imaginary.
 Besides, we went to a literary session and missed the particularly interesting part like we always do.
Recently, I was lured to a party in spite of my reluctance to get up and wash my face and untangle my too-tangled locks by a group of particularly insisting friends and then dumped unceremoniously by the said group. They avoided me before, during and after the party religiously. They even avoided me on the way back, and I had to sit all by myself in the bus.
This sitting alone part is not due to reverse evolution.It has been so since time immemorial i.e. time when I started school. I have always possessed a special force of repulsion and I am secretly proud of it (hey,people even let me cross them in a queue due to this).
The reverse evolution part is related to how I have started noticing these things when I have always scoffed at other people who notice such things (noticing such things or no, scoffing is my usual manner of interacting with life, the universe and everything in it.)
To gain some sympathy, I went to my mother. She said flatly, 'I told you so, tumhari kahani bus aisi si hay' .
At least my friends never say that to my face, and I have shown them some really mad stories, but maybe that is because there is always some electronics or microwave lecture droning on in the background.
 Recently I learned the art of calculating the weight of a couplet. There has been a folder intended for burning in my room ever since.


  1. The real world is so real, I'd rather live somewhere imaginary.

    Haha, brilliantly said! I agree.

  2. *hug*

    you sound so disheartened in this. Please don't be. The world sucks for the sensitive. But you have to survive no matter what.

    Bring the pen back out, now or at some point in the future. Don't let the results of a competition dishearten you, no matter how much assignment-time you put into it. Have some faith in your abilities, Square :)

    1. Some sympathy, finally! Thank you so much, sunshine, for it and for dropping by after such a long time :)
      Actually, its less about being sensitive and more about being able to look at your own self without the usual rose-tinted glasses.

  3. I SOUND SO CLICHED. Ugh :P but honestly, I meant every word. This post kinda touched me, perhaps because of the party bit. I can quote similar instances as the reason why I now firmly prefer to stay home with a book rather than the slightly depressing alternative.

    1. Wise decision, that, though you may try going to a party with a book some time :P

  4. It is self who [thinks and feels and fails and succeds]
    I think and I feel and I fail and I succeed

    What is I, still needs to be discovered. :)

  5. Still needs to be true!