From ideas to actions

 I usually make fun of people for indulging in concepts like new year resolutions, but this year I had an epiphany near the first of January: that I am a woman of action, and all my troubles stem from denying this, and venturing into the realm of ideas.

Now, don't get me wrong: the realm of ideas is a fine place indeed. My problem is that thinking is not my strongest suit and I can't often get far just by dint of thinking. No matter how much I think, I am always dissatisfied at the end of the day. As the evening dawns, a dread begins to set in, triggered by the realization that I have done absolutely nothing in the entire day. One full day, gone, 

This is how life has been eroding-minute by minute, dawn by dawn-for more than the past 30 years. I have been struggling, but I never could find the solution. The right code to live life by. The way to live. A personalized fit.

Discipline has always been problematic for me, but recently I have started taking a different approach to it. Now, instead of forcing myself to finish Yet Another Task, I try to adjust and compromise. I am vacationing and N sent over something and asked me to party more on his behalf. That is the kind of radical transformation my life has undergone. Adjusting discipline approaches seems like a minor change when compared with this.

Why do we need discipline at all? Because I want to get a number of things done in life. I am rather tired of playing with sampling strategies in a sanitized environment and want to test them in the wild. The wilderness of life. 

I am listening to Andre Rieu orchestrating the playing of a beautiful piece. Too bad that my payscale only allows me access to local cinemas and nothing else. And that too only occasionally.

Anyways I have always SUCKED at time management. Recently I went through my undergrad memoirs and earlier and that time was horror-show-time. At least I properly party now.

Back to the problem of ideas vs actions. M, a young poet, suggested that perhaps some people are more suited to one vs the other. This set me, paradoxically, on the path of thinking and not acting. However, I soon realized the error of my ways. My disposition is towards acting, and although a lifelong gaslighting campaign by the society did distort my thinking and acting), I am finally in recovery mode.

So the gist of the matter is, I have to start acting and let go of my thinking ways. I already have. I mean I spent 4-6 hours thinking of sleep but now I am up and running and will be doing things during the day. My hibernation days are over.