The ups and downs of life

 Just that there are no ups and almost no downs so the title is a bit misleading. I was talking to Aby and told her that my reactions and overreactions have almost disappeared and I'm not sure if I am a woman or a sack of flour.

Sure, there is conflict, but it is the low-grade, adultish- work related kind and extremely boring. As for that conflict, I'm not sure I know how to resolve it. Like what exactly is wrong? Absolutely no idea.

Somehow it seems that I'm always looking for the right perspective on things. Obviously it is always horribly missing, although recently I've lost the inclination to use strong words like horribly. What is missing is missing and what is there to be horrified?

Recently I came across a local folk song, and the singer refers to the girl as maa diyay moum battiyay, which is cute as hell.

Was my entire personality described by my overreactions, and now that I have settled down in the calm of middle age, there is nothing left to my personality? I wonder.

The utter banality of most things bores me to tears. However, too much boredom can't probably be a good sign in itself.

With some boyses, you can't do anything right. With others, you can't do anything wrong. I wonder if the same thing is true of workplaces, and one simply needs to find the right one.

My metaphysical issues are at an all-time low these days. I have realized that some questions are worth asking, and others not so much. Of the former, one can only afford to ask a few in a single life span. Fewer can be answered at all and even a smaller subset has the right answer which, if revealed to you, would make any difference at all. Rare is the question that has an answer that is not relative to the speaker. Often, changing one's perspective to the 'supposedly' right one has a far higher psychological cost than staying on the original, 'wrong' one. 

Ultimately we are just trying to build a mental model of the world and I can't claim my high-fidelity one has helped me much in life. For future reference, this is not from my old cynical self, but rather from a mature person who realizes the true value of various things in life. As a side note, I have also realized the importance of wasting time- in style and out of it both. Horror of all horrors, with people!