My take home salary in 2023 is about half of my MS stipend in 2017. I should calculate the derivative.
I woke up in the evening and feel slightly depressed. My emotion regulator is back in Karachi and I am trying to resolve things on my own.
For quite some time, I have been realizing the faults in the way I see the world. I have always been able to see the faults in the way other people process the world, but being able to see mine is very rare.
Anyways, I went to an office party today and I was surprisingly social. Very social, by my standards. I talked to a lot of people and it was fun. My agenda was to get integrated back in the team, and get integrated well. It worked.
As for the work, it is what it is. Same goes for my salary. After all, there is no point in whining about things. That is not going to change anything. Why waste your effort in doing something that will yield no result? I think I complain because deep down I know that I am not doing anything meaningful to change anything.
Not doing anything is an exaggeration, I do try very hard at times. It is just the lack of consistency that results in weird dead ends. My current interview situation is tricky, with a third one scheduled to evaluate me properly. I haven't prepared for it yet, and I think I mostly need to prep and stay confident.
After all, I did give a very nice first interview. Prepping is the only thing I can do to change my situation. If it works out, fine. If not, fine still, and I will try something else. Most importantly, I do not hate my present the way I used to do once. The trick is to keep working.
I have been hibernating since 2018, and it shows. I have no economic capital, no social capital, no career capital. I have been getting by on super duper easy mode.
It shows.
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